Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
