We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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