my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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