next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
