i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
