he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
