why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
