im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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