I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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