He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
