You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
COCAINE IS GR8
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
