Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
