I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sex in the backyard? Check.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
