I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
