Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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