You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
