My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
