When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
