This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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