with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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