is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
