i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
