i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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