well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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