Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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