I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
