I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
