absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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