I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
