I have demons in me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
