I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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