Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
