just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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