what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
