I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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