She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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