im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
