I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
