i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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