thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
