Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
