well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
