Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
