I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
