I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
