some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
