I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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