Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
