White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
