she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
did you just send me my own nude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
