When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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