i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
