You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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