Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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