I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
