I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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