He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
