Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
