$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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